Today’s guest post comes from my friend Sissy Goff.  This post is an excerpt from her book Intentional Parenting. Sissy spends most of her days talking with girls and their families, with the help of her counseling assistant/pet therapist, Lucy the Havanese. She has worked as the Director of Child and Adolescent Counseling at Daystar Counseling Ministries in Nashville, TN since 1993. She is also the author of six books, including Intentional Parenting,(from which this excerpt was taken) as well as the video curriculum, Raising Boys and Girls. Follow her blog at www.raisingboysandgirls.com. I know you will enjoy what she has to say!

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How Can I Be a More Encouraging Parent?

Your voice is different than anyone else’s in your child’s life. You have the power—or, even better, the honor to speak truth to your children about who they are in a way that defines them. What version are you communicating? How do you want them to see themselves and how can you communicate those truths in a way in which they feel encouraged?

For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. Romans 8:24-25

In all of the things that encouragement offers your child, hope is perhaps the most important. The tagline for our book, Mirrors and Maps, is “grace for who you are and hope for who you’re becoming.”   As you encourage your child, you give them this kind of grace and hope. But you also point them to a hope that runs much deeper. Your child will place his or her hope in a lot of things over the years—new friends, parts in plays, winning football teams, homecoming dates, SAT scores. And when those things fall through, discouragement will follow. Your encouragement, in those times, is invaluable. A middle school girl I meet with said that her mom puts a new Scripture on her mirror every day, just to encourage her. A high school girl told me how much it means when she knows her mom is praying specifically for her and what she’s facing that day. The encouragement of these moms is a genuine expression of their hope. When your encouragement rises out of that place, it has more impact than you can imagine.

In all of the complexities of growing up today, children and teens need hope. They need life and healing and relationship with you, as their parent. And they need you to offer these things out of the overflow of your heart. Encouragement is not just the words you say. It’s not just the truth and hope that you offer. It’s the way you live His truth and His hope out. It’s a sensitivity to your child’s heart, and a confidence in God as your protector, provider and redeemer that truly encourages. You offer hope as you point them toward Christ.

Several years ago, I was riding my bike in our annual Bike Thing, a fundraising event for the families at Daystar who can’t afford the full cost of counseling. We had ridden twenty miles and were on the last stretch. I was exhausted. We had just finished a long, glorious downhill and reached the foot of a climb that looked as if it stretched for miles. As I started up, I noticed a father and daughter in front of me. She was probably twelve years old and riding in that awkward, twisting your handlebars way you ride when you just can’t pedal up another hill. Her dad, who was behind her, quickly came alongside. He placed his left hand on her back, with his right hand on his own handlebars. And for the remainder of that hill, he pushed. He rode beside her and kept his hand on her back with just enough pressure to keep her going. And more than enough to remind her that he was there.

Encouragement awakens the heart of your child and enlivens their faith, both in themselves and in God’s good work that He’s completing in them. Don’t give up. If nothing else, you have all that you need to place your hand on your child’s back, because your Father has placed His hand on yours.

So let’s do it—full of belief, confident that we’re presentable inside and out. Let’s keep a firm grip on the promises that keep us going. He always keeps his word. Let’s see how inventive we can be in encouraging love and helping out, not avoiding worshiping together as some do but spurring each other on, especially as we see the big Day approaching.

Hebrews 10:22-25, The Message

Putting it Into Practice…

• Focus on his strengths.
• Notice her effort regardless of the outcome.
• Give her a chance to contribute.
• Help him take small, achievable steps toward his goals and celebrate his accomplishments.
• Laugh with her.
• Speak to the fear that may be underneath his words.
• Play together, no matter what her age.
• Say thank you.
• Do something special for your daughter as a surprise.
• Tell him you love him. Often.