For the second time in two weeks, we will attend a family funeral. My husband’s step-grandmother died in August and her service was a week ago Saturday. She was at least 96 and had lived a rich, full life. This time, it is a cousin who died unexpectedly at 42, which doesn’t seem right. Parents burying a child never seems right. I’ve had the usual flood of emotions surrounding death. Shock, sadness, anger, and then the reminder that “life is short”.

All the things we feel when we lose someone that then just go away. We slowly go back to life as it was and we forget. We forget that we only have today. There is no promise of tomorrow. We go right back to thinking that we’ve got it all under control, planning for our future, storing up for ourselves earthly treasure. We plot and plan and schedule, and then are still surprised when death comes. 

Jesus says in Matthew 6: 19-21: Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

I’ve read these verses a thousand times, and I want my treasure to be in heaven, but if I’m honest I must admit that I’m pretty good at storing up treasure on earth. Truthfully, I love my earthly treasures. My house, my kids, my stuff. And I worry a lot about the future. What will we do if… What happens when… What are we going to do about… How will we handle it when…

Then Jesus goes on to say in verse 25:

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.  But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

These verses have always caused me to question. While it sounds good on the surface to believe that God will provide for me as he provides for the birds of the field, often I don’t feel the provision. And as I watch my friends and family struggle or deal with hard stuff, it’s hard for me to see God’s provision through painful illness, divorce, or even death. I know He walks with us through the hard things, but it is still hard for me to trust that He has it ALL under His control. Even the hard things.

My prayer is this-

God,                                                                                                                                                                                       Help me to live for today and not obsess about tomorrow. Help me live and love and serve as if today is all I have. Help me to be prudent and wise in my planning for the future, while knowing that no future is promised, except for my eternal future with you. You are enough, Lord.  Help my unbelief.                                                                                                                                                                    Amen

*Photo credit: David, Bergin, Emmett, and Elliott