A year ago today, I wrote about my messy relationship with church here:
Today, when my TimeHop app reminded me about the post, I re-read it and realized that not much has changed. I still have a messy relationship with church. I still don’t have a church home. I don’t have a church community. I don’t have a place that I look forward to going on Sundays. Every Sunday morning, I feel the tension of “what will we do today about the church issue?” When we’re out of town, it feels good to not have to make a decision. When Will’s not here for some reason, I don’t even consider making a decision. I just stay home.
The part about not wanting to be mad anymore… I confess that I still feel mad. Why does church have to be the way it is? Why is it white and affluent and “contemporary”? Why does it not look like I think Jesus would want it to look? I want leaders who are real and authentic and vulnerable and inclusive. I want community that is transparent and searching and wants to study and learn and grown.
Sometimes I think I want the impossible. Is it just me?